


The Author Regrets Nothing

by christinefromsherwood



Series: 007 Fest 2020 [2]
Category: James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Other, Poetry, Read the summary it says it all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24998257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinefromsherwood/pseuds/christinefromsherwood
Summary: A poem which describes the passion a man can have for scrambled eggs and does not shy away from portraying the depth of such feelings. (Yeah, in this poem, Bond fucks scrambled eggs. I did it for rarepair bonus points and I’d do it again.)
Relationships: james bond/scrambled eggs
Series: 007 Fest 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809718
Comments: 27
Kudos: 22
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	The Author Regrets Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Food Day
> 
> Scavenger Hunt #29: Create and perform a Bond-themed song, rap, or poem
> 
> Anon Prompt 007 Fest 2018/#120: Rare pair: Bond/scrambled eggs.

Or stream and "Save As" here: [MP3](https://audio.jukehost.co.uk/1RbveEuP21JwJZsBbWKrKAkwxDdr5H13) (2.23MB; 3 minutes)

It was still early in the day  
When the great James Bond woke up.  
He went to greet his bride-to-be:  
Saw her and got choked up.

He spied each curve of sunshine flesh,  
Gold yolk, veil of bacon rind--  
She sat at the table in her plate  
With nothing on. Nor on her mind.

“Good morning, my beloved,  
You set my heart ablaze!”  
So greeted Bond his scrambled eggs  
Under poor May’s appalled gaze.

“I’ll leave you two alone then,”  
Said the cook and fled.  
Bond grabbed his breakfast plate  
and hurried back to bed.

“How lovely, my precious,  
My eggy morning bride!  
Let’s consummate our love,”  
Cried Bond, grinning wide.

He laid his wife upon the bed  
And, drooling, knelt astride.  
Tore off his briefs and prepared  
To ride his hot, new bride.

“You’re so hot, so very wet for me,”  
Groaned Bond and gripped his cock.  
Soon he’d slide through the velvet heat  
he thought, hard as a rock.

“There’s tales of passion tried and true  
Where a man fucks a peach.  
So have no fear, my darling bride,  
Our love shall no laws breach.

Give me your veil now, love,  
No need to be so shy,”  
Bond finished, took the bacon rind  
And ate it with a sigh.

Then he gently grasped his bride,  
Cupped the golden treasure.  
He slammed the eggs down on his cock  
And let out a moan of pleasure.

“You’re so fucking hot, my love,  
Come give me a kiss.”  
Bond brought one hand up to his mouth,  
Tasting savoury bliss.

So creamy, and yet so firm,  
Bond licked his lips with relish  
And then he fucked his scrambled eggs  
With a pace that was hellish.

Egg slapped against skin,  
Squelched, and trickled to his balls,  
Bond fucked his hand and then he came  
With a shout that shook the walls.

As Bond lay in the afterglow,  
Watching cum in egg yolk pearl,  
He smiled and then he told the eggs:  
“You’re the best Bond girl.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me all your thoughts. Don't hold back.


End file.
